Autumn Writing

We have been learning to make our writing more interesting. To make it better we had to rewrite a story's over and over and over to make them better. We used a describe map to which helps elaborate our ideas. Our topic was Autumn. Each time we put more adjectives and similes. I have highlighted my favourite sentence in green. 
My favourite part of my writing like this is not writing different things every day.  

Attempt 1 Autumn is a cold season. The leaves fall of the trees because they get cold and die. The sun comes up later because of daylight savings. Animals hibernate because it get’s too cold for them. Bird’s migrate because they can be warmer in other places. People get cold because winter is coming. In Autumn sport’s training’s start because winter is coming.

Attempt 2 Autumn is a cold chilly season. The leaves  fall of the trees because they get cold and icy and die. The sun comes up later because of daylight. We lose an hour of sleep but we get an hour more of sunlight. Animals hibernate to get out of the cold. To me I think they are lazy for sleeping that whole time. Birds migrate north to other places to be warmer. It becomes chilly because winter is coming. Sport’s start because winter is near.

Attempt 3 Autumn is a chilly season. The leaves fall off the trees in colourful patterns. Its as dark as the black hole because of daylight savings. Animals hibernate because of daylight savings. Birds migrate north because its warm. It gets cold because the shivering winter is coming. Sports because winter is coming.

Attempt 4 Autumn is an ice-cold season.  The leaves fall off the trees in beautiful,colourul patterns. In the mornings Its as dark as the All blacks jersey. Animals hibernate because the wintry season is coming. Birds migrate north so they can avoid the cold. It gets as cold as the arctic later in Autumn. Sports start because the ground is not rock solid for boots.

Attempt 5 Autumn is a glacial season. The beautiful leaves show themselves in amazing patterns. In the mornings it is as dark as the All blacks jersey. Animals prepare for hibernation because the arctic winter is coming. Birds migrate north with the glistening sun so they are warmer. It gets so cold that I start to shiver. Sports start because the ground isn't rock solid.